“Glimmers”, a term coined by Deb Dana, LCSW in her work on the Polyvagal Theory, are “micro moments of joy that make us feel happy, hopeful and safe”. We are well aware of our “triggers” that can cause anxiety, but identifying glimmers can actually help us to recover from our daily stresses to be in a more peaceful, “parasympathetic state”. How can we shift our focus and look for ways to bring more happiness, comfort and connection to our everyday lives and to those around us? I was soon to find out.
On a recent visit to my hometown, while waiting for Mom to get a massage, I had a muffin at a busy diner in the building. Sitting at the end of the long counter, I noticed the caring waitress who made everyone feel special. I overheard her saying that she had recently lost her dog. I said, “I’m sorry for your loss. I love dogs and just wrote an article called, “Do Dogs Hold the Secret to Our Hearts?” “They do”, she agreed. I handed her my card and invited her to read the article on my website. She noticed my name and said: “Commito? Are you related to Art’s Variety Store?” I said, “Yes, that was my dad’s store!” And she answered “I’m a Maramo!” “We’re cousins!” we both exclaimed! What a gift of synchronicity and connection! When I went back to meet my mom, and shared the fun story with Marie, her massage therapist, she said, “That’s a GLIMMER!”
I keep thinking about how to identify other glimmers in my lifeand invited friends to share theirs. These tiny moments that inspire feelings of joy and safety, as well as calm our nervous system, can be found anywhere, anytime. What we focus on magnifies.
Mary B, my yoga teacher, experiences ‘glimmers’ as “just ordinary things that make me smile, or imbue happy feelings into my day. Walking in nature, breathing in the smells, listening to the sounds . . . are very calming and nourishing. The challenge for me is to pause long enough to appreciate it, and not just march on to my “goal” – usually a destination for our hike. Just saying hello and smiling can make me feel like all is okay with the world.”
Francesco, my partner, shared his magical moment: “Being out in nature alone when I connect to the universe’s higher consciousness”. I can relate, especially on a dark night, witnessing the planets and sparkling stars gives me glimmers of hope that I am part of something so vast and yet so personal, that it fills me with awe. I have also found that doing slow, deep breathing helps me to be more mindful and in a state of peace. The world looks better from there.
Even the simplest things can act as cues for our bodies to calm our nervous system and experience more joy. I’ve often felt a sense of connectedness when I discover feathers or heart rocks on my path. Another friend, Jeanne, shared: Routine can make me feel calm and connected. Small routines – a walk I’ve done hundreds of times, coffee in a special cup, sitting in a favorite chair (a rocker is best) and looking out the window. Basically, just small quiet moments. Hugs work too! And like many grandparents, Kim’s glimmers of joy come from looking at her rotating frame of photos of her grandchildren when she can’t be with them in person or on facetime.
Dana’s research found that we can create “glimmer intentions” that are “beneficial for everyone, but especially for those who have experienced trauma.” Here is an example of such a “micro moment of goodness” and how just 4 little words gave a friend, Nancy something to hope for. Seven months ago, her 47- year-old daughter Karla had a brain bleed that has left her incapable of most functions. Currently living in a nursing home, it was rare to hear even a single word, with most attempts at communication, being gibberish at best. But on this occasion, a male nurse, who cared for and was so kind to Karla, heard Aerosmith playing on her radio. He asked, “Karla, were you ever an Aerosmith fan?” And she replied: “a long time ago”. It was a glimmer of hope that someday she may be able to talk again, even if it has not happened since.
How can we focus on the simple heart-opening things, like people, pets, places, poetry, nature, music…that bring small moments of joy to our lives and to share them with others? It would be a gift of kindness that would not only calm our nervous systems, but bring hope to others and ourselves and help to make this a better world.
Blessings to you and your loved ones during this season of thanks-giving and every day.
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