“Loneliness in America is at epidemic levels. Americans’ trust in each other are at historic lows, creating a crisis of social connection,” reports Linda R. Trapp, a professor of Social Psychology at U Mass in Amherst. She believes that we need “psychological generosity”, which can be expressed by “making more eye contact and small talk, smiling and greeting someone you don’t know or simply being more relational.”
As a young child, my small New England home town was a friendly place to grow up. Predominantly French Canadian, there were also many whose families originated from Italy, Ireland, Poland and later Puerto Rico. My parents owned a local variety store, where construction workers, police officers, mailmen and neighbors shared eight stools and conversations over a cup of coffee or a lime rickey, while school kids perused the candy.
Decades later, it is harder to feel noticed or welcomed in many towns or cities, and it can be a lonely proposition for those who move to a new place or live alone. Even living in Florida, it is not always easy to connect, as my partner and I discovered during a hurricane, when we were in a shelter at a local school. There was no socializing in a room of wall-to-wall people . . . UNTIL we lost electricity and I spoke up in the dark: “Hello! Would anyone like to hear some live music?” With affirmative responses, Francesco took out his guitar and played and sang for over an hour, creating a unity that had not been there before. And the next day, when the storm was over, we were treated to breakfast by volunteers from many parts of the U.S., and we expressed our gratitude. It was heart-warming to know that there are kind people everywhere who step in to help, especially in a crisis. Hopefully, we don’t need such drastic measures to reach out to others on our daily path.
Living in a popular tourist destination, one meets people from all over the world, which can provide unique opportunities for spontaneous connecting. My favorite way to engage with others is through my passion for taking photos, and especially when I see people of different ages and nationalities, either trying to take a selfie or leaving the photographer out of a memorable moment. And whether it be couples, families visiting, or a new baby, I love sharing what I hope will bring smiles and elicit fond memories of a welcoming place.
And sometimes, we are gifted with an unexpected opportunity to witness and be a part of someone’s “special occasion”. One late afternoon, as Francesco and I walked along the beach, we noticed two women facing each other in the water. One was lovingly extending a ring to the other. I couldn’t help myself. “Could I take some pictures for you?” I asked. They were delighted. They later shared with us that we had witnessed their commitment ceremony. Since the women were from Latin America, Francesco offered to sing the song, Besame Mucho, which they joined in. What a unifying and memorable experience!
Acknowledging others or extending a kindness can be a simple every day occurrence that can happen anywhere – even at a local super market, shopping for tomatoes. A man was in front of me as I waited for him to make his selection. He put the container in his cart and started to go off. But, being the “Bogo Queen”, I said, “Excuse me, sir”, “but your tomatoes are part of a BOGO (buy one get one free).” He looked puzzled. “So, you get an extra container of tomatoes for free!” I said. He smiled and thanked me as he picked up another package.
Francesco Tarantino at The Bazaar on Lime
Sometimes I hesitate to reach out, but I find that my life is enriched far beyond the small effort it requires to do so. I am glad when I am open and can connect in a way that leaves me, and hopefully others, feeling a little more welcomed and included.
In what can be a disconnected world, where we are often engrossed in our cell phones, how can we engage with others, share simple every day kindnesses, and be more open to finding ways that can foster a sense of togetherness?
Blessings to you and your loved ones,
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