What is that saying, “Aging is not for sissies”? Perhaps aging gracefully may be our biggest challenge yet, as well as, a great opportunity to make a difference. While we don’t have a choice about entering this phase in our lives, we can choose how we do it. We can remove the mirrors, deny the truth with any means available (face lifts, hormones…), complain to anyone willing to listen, or we can tap into our sense of humor and help others to embrace this aging process with more ease. I’m discovering that aging is kindest to those with a great sense of humor.

Much as I hate to admit it, my body is changing, deteriorating right before my eyes – that is, when I have my glasses on to see. Speaking of which, my eyes have become much more dependent on higher magnification reading glasses. It’s becoming difficult to find over-the-counter versions – a necessity, since I tend to lose the multiple pairs that I’ve placed in every room of the house. I’ve gotten so forgetful that I’ve now taken to tapping the top of my head first to see if a pair of glasses has made its nesting spot there. And once (OK, more than once), I even found two pairs up there. I’ve taken to laughing about it. (Besides, in my defense, they do feel a lot like the head set that I’m used to wearing.)

I’ve also noticed that aging eyes can play funny tricks. For example, it’s easier to unintentionally shift or drop a letter in a word when reading, which creates a totally different, often humorous, meaning. Last week, for instance, I was in a hardware store and happened to glance at one of their hanging displays: “Casket kits.” Why would anyone want to buy a kit to fix a casket? Are we getting too morbid these days, planning too far ahead? What could possibly need fixing and who would care at that point?

I put on my glasses and took another look. “Gasket kits.” Of course.

A clerk nearby asked, “What are you smiling about?” Oh well, what could I do but share it. We both had a good laugh.

And it’s not just my eyesight. Yesterday, I was at a restaurant with ten family members – a yearly get-together of cousins. I overheard the waitress asking my slightly younger cousin, “Do you want your senior salad now or with your meal?” When the waitress left, I asked my cousin, “You ordered a senior salad?” (wondering why I, who obviously qualified, hadn’t been given the option; perhaps, I thought smugly, the waitress thought that I looked younger).

“No,” my cousin replied. “I ordered a Caesar salad.”

“Oh.”

Another bout of laughter, this time with my cousin sitting nearest me. Later she asked if I would be taking my “senior salad” home with the rest of my unfinished meal.

A couple of months ago, my hairdresser suggested that I let my hair grow longer. “Why not?” he suggested. “It could be your last hurrah!”

My last hurrah? I’m not sure I’ve even had my first one!

Ultimately, I decided to grow my hair longer AND to keep my hair dresser!

But I’ve also chosen to stop taking myself so seriously, enjoy every moment, and to laugh at every opportunity. And believe me there are more and more of those every day!

They come in all shapes and sizes and can be found in every corner of the world. I love to watch them at airports, where they can be tested beyond their normal limits and usually come through with flying colors.

I’m amazed at how loving, giving, attentive, self-less they so often are. It has been said, “They are the glue that keeps a family together.” They have a lot of shoes to fill, they can make bad things seem better, care for you when you are sick, and can multi-task like a pro.

Although I am not one, if you are, I acknowledge you for creating a better world for all of us by being the best one you can be: a mom.

Thank you with all my heart for mothers everywhere!

Happy Mother’s Day!

This is the very perfection of a man,
to find out his own imperfection.
-St. Augustine

Standing in front of the mirror one morning, I glance at my face, more exposed than usual with my hair pulled back by the reading glasses on top of my head, reminding me of the headbands I wore in my early teens.

“You look pretty today,” I say to my reflection.

And then the “little voice” says, “Yeah, except for the wrinkles on your forehead.”

“I have a ‘wabi sabi’ face,” I reply and then laugh.

Do you have conversations with yourself? Are they expressions of love and appreciation, or are they critiques and judgments supporting a quest for self-improvement – or worse – perfection!

How can we cherish the quirky things about ourselves instead of hiding or disguising them?  Aren’t these imperfections a part of what makes us unique and endearing?

Somehow the subject of wabi sabi (a Japanese way of seeing the beauty in imperfection) had come up in conversation the day before. A friend had been telling me about his home remodel which he had put so much care into.  Instead of viewing the many oddities of his handiwork as mistakes, he looked at them as creative and charming expressions of his personal style. He calls it his “wabi sabi home.”

If it’s easy to see such unexpected beauty in things, why is it so difficult to see it in ourselves or others?

Several years ago, I adopted a four-year old German shepherd, who had been raised as a show dog – “Cadence of Erinbrook” (a name that was quickly changed).  Despite his majestic appearance, he had a crooked ear, which cost him points in the dog shows. Subsequently, he was given to a young family, who later gave him to me.

His crooked ear was a part of his charm, and without it he would have remained a show dog and not have become such a special part of my life for many years.

How can we take a wabi sabi approach and appreciate the wrinkles (after all, we’ve worked hard to acquire them), the insecurities and idiosyncracies that make us unique?  And then, how can we take it up a notch, to see the beauty in those things that we’ve been trying to hide or ignore, to fall in love with all sides of ourselves, and to recognize and value the perfection of imperfection?

Many people have mixed feelings about Valentine’s Day, but despite the commercialism and the fact that we may not have a romantic interest in our life, it seems no one wants to give up the holiday.

Perhaps it’s because we still hold fond memories of our first Valentine’s Day experience or we have a broader perspective of what February 14th symbolizes. Or perhaps like St. Valentine, for whom the day is named, we just don’t want to give up on love.

As a child, I loved decorating a paper bag with various cutout hearts and hanging it on the chalk rail alongside those of my classmates. Later, I could hardly wait to peer in and see how many brightly colored “Be my valentine” cards had been secretly placed inside.

In high school, I was happy to receive a card and a single red rose, or a dozen, from a boy I cared about. I was a romantic even back then.

Children still love exchanging valentine cards. I recently heard that one high school sold Valentine’s Day carnations as part of a fundraiser. In classrooms, flowers, cards and balloons are still hand-delivered by teens who may be “sweet on” a classmate.

Going Beyond Romance

But why does Valentine’s Day have to be just about romantic connections? What if it was a day to celebrate love in all of its manifestations? How could we make it more inclusive of everyone rather than just focusing on a romantic partner?

One young man, Andy, when he was a freshman in college, was living in a co-ed dorm and anonymously bought a rose for each of the young women, leaving it at their door on Valentine’s Day morning so it would be the first thing that they would see when they went out.

Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to acknowledge those we love-friends, family and others. One friend, Deana, calls it a “love holiday.” It’s a wonderful reminder to put more love into our interactions with others, whether they are friends, parents, children, a co-worker or someone that we just happened to meet. There are so many ways to express a heart connection… hugs, smiles, and saying “I love you” with more frequency and ease. Rarely do I greet friends without a hug, and it’s natural to end a conversation with “Love you!”

Special People

Everyone is different and we all have our own unique ways of letting others know that we care. Although I make an effort every day to let the people in my life know how special they are to me, I must admit that I love taking it up a notch on Valentine’s Day.

For instance, I enjoy sending Valentine cards to my friends, especially to those who are single. When I facilitate meetings for a group of women business owners, I love giving each of them a beautiful red rose, a card, and chocolates on Valentine’s Day. And the other day, two pairs of cozy, cuddly fleece pj’s were sent to my mom and to a good friend in the northwest with warm “Happy Valentine’s Day” messages of love. And I even bought a pair for myself!

We don’t need special days set aside to honor those we love. For instance, my dad buys my mom a bouquet of fresh flowers every couple of weeks. There’s a lot to be said about such spontaneous gestures of love.

And that perhaps is one of the key reasons why we love Valentine’s Day – we all want to be acknowledged and loved. So instead of focusing only on that special person in our life, or being disappointed that we don’t have one, perhaps we could use this Valentine’s Day to open our hearts wider to others and let them know how much we care.

How can you make Valentine’s Day and every day a celebration of love?

This article was featured on StoneHill.edu